In a world that often demands constant reinvention, Danu Innasithamby has learned to hold fast to the values that matter most—resilience, family, and an unwavering commitment to creativity. In this heartfelt conversation, The Island sits down with Danu to trace a life shaped by the quiet courage of a mother who taught them that strength doesn’t always need to roar.
From the shadows of war-torn Jaffna to the bustling corridors of Colombo’s schools, Danu reflects on the journey of finding one’s voice in a world that didn’t always understand it. They speak candidly about the ways their mother’s love and sacrifices continue to anchor them—lessons in grace and humility that have become the foundation for a life in storytelling and media.
As they share memories of childhood, early days in radio, and the evolution of identity as a queer person, Danu offers a moving portrait of what it means to be seen, to be true to oneself, and to carry forward the strength of those who came before.
You dedicated your memoir to your late mother on her birth anniversary—what inspired you to choose that moment for the book launch
Mummy was always our strength.
Akka and I were so attached to her — because deep down, it was always just the three of us, trying to find our way in this world.
She may not have been powerful, or influential, or known beyond our little circle. But to us, she was everything. A silent fighter. A quiet force. She did things I don’t think anyone else could do — and she did it all with the kind of grace that only she had.
Every child sees their mum as special. But Mummy… she truly was. She gave up her happiness, her comfort, even her dreams, so that we could live ours. Whether it was making sure we got the biggest portion of food, or just being a warm shoulder on the hardest days, she gave and gave and gave — always with a smile, even when there was nothing to smile about.
People often look to the sky to find heaven. But sometimes, heaven is a person. For us, that was Mummy.
That’s why this book is for her.
If she were here, I’d still have done the same.
You mentioned your mother’s strength, silence, and love shaped every chapter. Could you share a particular memory that captures her influence on you during your childhood?
Where do I even begin? There are so many moments, but if I had to choose just one thing—it’s how much of a pillar Dara was to her. She leaned on him for everything. She was almost childlike in some ways, relying on his strength and decisions. But when Dara was no more, something in Mummy changed.
She became brave.
She stepped up and did things that, even now, leave me in awe. From managing the most basic day-to-day tasks—paying bills, balancing whatever little money we had, making sure we were fed, finding ways to keep us in school—she did it all. She became our strength, our guardian, our safe place.
I truly believe women have this remarkable, almost otherworldly ability to transform into warriors when they need to. And in that moment, when the world could’ve broken her, Mummy became everything. Everything we needed.
How did your mother support you during the most turbulent moments of your early life in Jaffna?
She was calm in every storm. She didn’t have many answers, but she always made sure we had a warm meal, a warm bed, and a warm smile. In those days, that was enough. That was everything.
What values or lessons from your mother continue to guide you in your life today, especially in the media world?
One of the most profound things Mummy ever told me wasn’t a long sermon—it was something simple she lived by. Her bedtime prayer was always short, but she left me with this:
“Before you sleep, ask yourself—have you intentionally hurt someone? If not, rest. It’s beyond you now. But if you have, ask for forgiveness. Apologise. Make peace before you close your eyes.”
That one line shaped how I carry myself in the world. It’s not about being perfect—it’s about being accountable. And that… is one of the greatest gifts she ever gave me.
Was your mother aware of your dreams in storytelling and media before her passing? If so, what were her thoughts?
I count myself among the lucky ones—because Mummy got to see me on screen. She was beaming with pride even back when I was just a voice in the night, doing the graveyard shift on radio. That’s how we all started—midnight hours, training wheels. But Mummy? She’d stay up all night, just to make sure I didn’t fall asleep on the job. Only mothers can love like that—quiet, patient, unwavering.
She watched every show I did. Every single one. Even the Tamil ones, where half the time I was bluffing through my lines! And I still remember—just a day before she passed—she watched one of those episodes. She wasn’t well. Those days were hard. But there she was… watching, listening, holding space.
At the time, I had just signed on to my first film. I’d even released a Sinhala track that featured in the movie. One of the last things she asked to hear was that song. She wanted to listen. She always wanted to be part of it all—every step, every stumble, every celebration.
I know she’s still around. Not just in spirit—but in the whisper of instinct, the calm in a storm, the little voice that says, “You’ve got this.”
She never knew I’d write a book. Honestly, neither did I. But I think she sees it all now. And somehow, I feel like she’s reading every word over my shoulder—smiling that knowing smile only she had.
Can you describe your school life in Jaffna and how it was shaped by the conflict around you?
I didn’t stay in school in Jaffna for long—only until Grade 3. But those few years left a deep imprint. School life there was intense, shaped by the reality of war. Teachers were strict, and there was no room for excuses. If there was a curfew, school was closed. If a bomb went off, school was closed. And if a bomb went off during school—you ran and hid. Yet, even amid the chaos, discipline and deadlines were non-negotiable. Our teachers did everything they could with what they had. That resilience stayed with me.
When we moved to Colombo, school life changed—but it wasn’t easier. I joined St. Peter’s College, a respected school, but I struggled to fit in. Many of the kids came from more financially comfortable homes. Mummy did everything to keep up, but it was hard. I stood out, not in the ways a child hopes to. There were names, there were jokes—kids will be kids. I don’t blame anyone today because I know now that we’re all just trying to understand the world at that age. But yes, it hurt. At that time, it stung deeply. Still, I learned. I grew. And I’m grateful. Because all of that—Jaffna, Colombo, the silence, the noise—shaped the person I am today. And I wouldn’t trade that journey for anything.
What was the transition like when you moved from Jaffna to Colombo in terms of education and fitting in?
It wasn’t an easy transition. Suddenly, I was seeing things I’d never seen in my life—electricity that stayed on, chilled drinks, and shops where you could buy whatever you liked if you had the money. Only, I didn’t have the money.
Fitting in was hard. But one thing I’ve always held onto is honesty. I never lied about what I didn’t have. No TV at home? I said it. No beds? That was our truth. Never had KFC? I was fine to admit it. I found it easier to speak the truth than to pretend. Pretending only made the gap feel bigger.
I still remember the first time I accidentally ended up in a shopping mall. A friend and I were walking after school working on a project, and he asked, “Shall we grab a drink here?” I was flustered. Flabbergasted. I didn’t even know how to behave in that world. All I could do was ask him, “How many bus halts from here to my house?”
It felt like a different planet. But I think I was exposed to it all at the right age—old enough to be humbled, young enough to absorb it. And with time, I learned to navigate both worlds.
Were there teachers or school moments that particularly encouraged your creative or storytelling instincts?
The first is Miss Mel, my English Literature teacher. Ironically, she should’ve been the one to absolutely hate me—I spelt everything wrong, confused syntax with drama, and turned every essay into a theatrical production. But she didn’t. Instead, she cheered me on. She loved seeing me on stage and encouraged me to take part in Shakespeare drama competitions, even if I made up half the lines. Miss Mel was a kind soul with an even kinder heart. She passed away last year, but her belief in me still echoes every time I hold a mic or step onto a stage. She was truly remarkable.
Then there’s my choir teacher, Priyanthi. She taught me that voice is not just sound—it’s soul. She gave me the tools to pronounce, project, and most importantly, perform with presence. Her guidance built the foundation for the public speaking I do today.I also must mention Jehan Bastians and Ned. The first time I got on stage with them, I was green, awkward, and borderline dramatic—but they taught me everything from how to stand still (which was a challenge!) to how to deliver lines with meaning.
Every one of them—Miss Mel, Priyanthi, Jehan, and Ned—were instrumental in making me who I am today. They didn’t just teach me subjects. They taught me confidence. They gave me tools that I carry in my heart and use every single day. For that, I’m endlessly grateful.
How did your identity as a queer youth affect your school experience, both in Jaffna and Colombo?
To be honest, growing up in Jaffna, I was too young to even process any of it. And when I was in school, I don’t think I ever really let my emotions go there. Maybe I just didn’t have the language or the space in my mind—I was often lost in my own thoughts.All these terms we hear today—gay, queer, the whole spectrum—I didn’t know any of it back then. I had no frame of reference. I was actually very late to everything—very late. I didn’t even hold someone’s hand until I was in my mid-twenties.
So, for me, discovering who I was, accepting it, and allowing myself to be that person took a long time. My quiet demeanour, maybe even the way I carried myself, yes—it made me a target. I was bullied. Teased. You know, the usual things they do in school. But none of that gave me clarity about my sexuality. If anything, it left me even more confused.
Looking back now, I realise how long it took for me to find the words… and the courage.
Looking back, is there a specific school memory that you feel foreshadowed the path you eventually took in media and storytelling?
I wouldn’t say it all started in school—it was the stage that truly felt like home. While the classroom was where I learned, the stage was where I lived. That feeling of performing, of stepping into a spotlight and expressing something deeper—that’s what shaped me. I didn’t choose media; it somehow chose me. I never mapped it out, never imagined I’d be in it this long. I simply followed the joy of connecting with people, of sharing stories, of giving a voice to things that matter.
What keeps me going is that every single day still feels like my first. That excitement, that nervous energy, that sense of purpose—it’s all still there. I’m deeply grateful for this journey, and for the chance to keep telling stories that touch lives.
by Ifham Nizam
from The Island https://ift.tt/w1nqW4s
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